The following scenarios describe  different vehicle accidents. Please identify which patient(s) require emergent EMS transport, and which pt should have known better that there are key words that earn you a backboard and c-collar. (Drugs are not a contributing factor, and no LOC in any of the following cases.)

#1: Post-2000 4-door sedan stopped at intersection rear-ended by similar-sized at 10 mph. Minor damage to fender, car is still drivable. Belted adult-sized occupant years of age A&Ox4 with zero health history. No airbag deployment Complaints: neck pain.

#2: Post-2000 sports car going 60-70mph on highway. Unknown vehicle malfunction causes driver to lose control of car, car makes big-ass dent in guardrail before driver manages to steer car to shoulder. No air bag deployment. Front end is buggered up, but no passenger compartment damage. Middle-aged belted occupant has history of hypertension, torn and repaired ACL surgery, and currently  complains of tenderness in chest area, but breathing not compromised.

#3: Post 2010...

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“Any other health history?”

“No.”

*looks through pile of papers*

*sees “lithium carbonate” listed under medications*

Erm, rusty field medic might be rusty, but I’m pretty sure this patient’s hiding something here…

SWEET HOLY HELL NURSING SCHOOL IS FUCKING HARD.

Mix in the fact that this is an accelerated course and my ever-present paranoia that I’m one step away from killing someone as a student, and outside social and family issues…

…and it’s no wonder that I had “the talk” with my primary care doctor about going back on seratraline aka Zoloft. After about a month, I’m soooo much calmer and clear-headed, and most of the nastier side effects have subsided.

So yeah, still around. Just trying to keep my ducks all in a row.

However, my return to squad-based EMS is going well. Still haven’t thought of a clever name for the organization…meh, I’m sure it’ll come back to me.

Weekly updates, self. Weekly updates.

…not that I had doubts about passing two known fail-out, hard science courses with the needed grades…

Also managed to convince another EMS organization that working in a hospital for a few years will make me a better field paramedic. (I’ll figure out a witty name for them later.) I think a little card with the words “National Registry” also played a role, buuuut that’s just me.

Now, back to completing umpteen million hours of training for said new organization, as I’ve a good name and reputation to keep up…

Anybody still here? 

(I’ve really let this blog sit dormant for over a year?)

So if you’re an e-mail subscriber and you get this, surprise, I’m back.

Let’s see, June of 2013…what happened? Ah, yes, now I remember: workplace politics and injured egos may or may not have threatened my job status and made my life unpredictable for a year, and I may or may not have had unexpected allies, and maybe  and I DIDN’T start playing the Mass Effect video game trilogy, and then I had to uproot because, reasons, and where was I going with this? I’m not sure. Let’s start over again.

Short version: El Capitan Chia Pet and have returned to our roots, he’s got himself an adorable little civy job when he’s not playing Reservist, and I’m working on getting back into the medical field via…NURSING SCHOOL! (And another avenue, but once again, I apparently didn’t burn as many bridges as I thought I did, much to my pleasant surprise.)

Once a week, I promise. With Pudgy Pup pictures at...

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*Blonde Tech glancing at order* “What’s a triple A?”

Me: Did I really just hear that question asked by a cardiology coworker? Yes.  “Abdominal aortic aneurysm…it’s when part the descending aorta weakens. If it ruptures, it’s a life threat.”

“So, what does the abdomen have to do with it?”

What. The. Actual. Fuck? What part of BLOODY FUCKING DESCENDING AORTA DID YOU NOT FUCKING COMPREHEND?

Apparently, not all of my coworkers have taken the same amount of Anatomy & Physiology that I had to take. (Let’s face it, the amount of A&P for EMT-level classes is a joke.) Every time I deal with her, her level of ignorance sets new lows. (Why yes, she’s also a CNA at a long-term care facility…so glad you asked!) Paramedics, do you have your shocked face on? Good.

Perhaps I’m being an elitist college-educated bitch here, but how the hell is someone this unfamiliar with cardiac anatomy? My 8th grade Health class covered cardiac blood flow, and that was in a public school over a decade ago!

Yes, I totally just stole the phrase from Fatale Abstraction. I find it quite witty, and I love the idea of blogging about MiniPup once a week.

When the Chia Pet went out into The Glorious Field and my allergies forcing twice-a-day Neti Pot use for a few weeks, I reverted back to my old Xbox 360 habit. While playing through Dead Space 1, 3, and the first of the Mass Effect games, Mini Pup decided my stomach would make an awesome place to nap. However, this little mutt insisted on one “romp around base housing fitness trail and playing ground tracker” session per evening before I could get my game on without her destroying my house. After that, she’d turn into a contented little pup who’d gladly snuggle on the couch.

MiniPup: forcing her gamer human to seek fresh air once in awhile since August 2012!

Note to self: questioning an order in the name of ensuring good patient care. earns the ire of the ordering doctor.

If my first concern wasn’t overall patient safety, I’d let some of them suffer the full consequences of their actions. However, no matter how pissed off I might be with either party, I will do my best to protect the patient.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have massive egos to tiptoe around…

My faith in the younger generation has been temporarily restored after reading through some of older entries.

What, you were expecting real content from me? Sorry, I’m trying to strike a balance between updating more frequently, yet not producing excrement-level posts.

Ah, I miss reading these blogs. I should keep up on my blogroll more often.

Sick-as-a-dog middle-aged inpatient? Check.

Said patient actively experiencing delirium tremens requiring large doses of Ativan? Check.

Same patient also diagnosed with COPD after years of smoking like a chimney? Check and check.

Now, wrap this lovely lady in an ill-fitting hospital gown, add a hospitalist who orders everything and a complementary kitchen sink on every patient, and schedule a nuclear stress test on my call weekend.

The scene: One of the many cardiac testing room in Humble Hospital, with everyone’s favorite hobbit-sized medic in the middle of explaining the stress test.

“Now, as I mentioned before, the nurse injects the medication, which will be followed by a second dose of the radioactive tracer-”

“Radioactive tracer?”

“Yes…the nuclear medicine tech injected you with it yesterday when he did your resting pictures…”

“How much radiation am I getting then?”

*blink blink*

“I’m not sure about that, but I’m sure the nuclear medicine tech will be able to answer that question when he gets...

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