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Police: An Exciting First Chapter
Written by 
1477987367
I arrived at the training school. I was ready. Ready to make a difference. I wanted to help people. Now was the beginning of my destiny. I would save the city, the dark city, the city of love and hate. I would come to both love and hate the city that I policed. But first, I was to be trained.
Our instructor stood at the gates, a big moustache, trousers tight across muscular thighs and well toned buttocks. He’d turned so his profile was reflected under the searchlights that crossed the yard in front of the fortified training camp. We all stood together, innocents in a new world of battered virgins. We got down and did press ups. We weren’t asked to, it just seemed right.
We moved when the delivery van sounded it’s horn behind us. The driver hailed us, ‘bunch of fucking idiots’, as the gates rose to allow him access. As the rear of the van disappeared, our instructor appeared in it’s space. He slowly kissed his pecs, staring at us without blinking. The young man next to me fainted. He was dragged...
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Continues, Read More...
Police: An Exciting First Chapter
Written by
1477901088
I arrived at the training school. I was ready. Ready to make a difference. I wanted to help people. Now was the beginning of my destiny. I would save the city, the dark city, the city of love and hate. I would come to both love and hate the city that I policed. But first, I was to be trained.
Our instructor stood at the gates, a big moustache, trousers tight across muscular thighs and well toned buttocks. He’d turned so his profile was reflected under the searchlights that crossed the yard in front of the fortified training camp. We all stood together, innocents in a new world of battered virgins. We got down and did press ups. We weren’t asked to, it just seemed right.
We moved when the delivery van sounded it’s horn behind us. The driver hailed us, ‘bunch of fucking idiots’, as the gates rose to allow him access. As the rear of the van disappeared, our instructor appeared in it’s space. He slowly kissed his pecs, staring at us without blinking. The young man next to me fainted. He was dragged...
Continues, Read More...
Continues, Read More...
Police: The One Punch Killer
Written by
1477413377
This is another true story from my time on the murder squad. As always, reader discretion advised...
Croydon. A place of broken dreams, a barren heartland to the south. A place to get proper pissed. Our victim had taken a bucket load of drugs, which he’d blended with a lovely selection of seasonal wines, beers and spirits. The lab are still analysing his blood samples some fifteen years later. The initial scientist on the case was driven to madness and became a hermit living in a cave. In Birmingham.
Our man had been asked to remove himself forthwith from a licensed establishment by large gentlemen in formal wear after spitting at the chap who tries to spray you with aftershave when you're urinating. Offering unparalleled service, they carried him from the bar to save fatigue on his legs.
As one does when properly bingoed, he sought out the hardest man in Croydon to have a roll around with. He met Big Geordie. Big Geordie was a big Geordie who sought to improve his physique and mental health through the use of steroids. He was a man on...
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Continues, Read More...
Police: The One Punch Killer
Written by
1477397440
This is another true story from my time on the murder squad. As always, reader discretion advised...
Croydon. A place of broken dreams, a barren heartland to the south. A place to get proper pissed. Our victim had taken a bucket load of drugs, which he’d blended with a lovely selection of seasonal wines, beers and spirits. The lab are still analysing his blood samples some fifteen years later. The initial scientist on the case was driven to madness and became a hermit living in a cave. In Birmingham.
Our man had been asked to remove himself forthwith from a licensed establishment by large gentlemen in formal wear after spitting at the chap who tries to spray you with aftershave when you're urinating. Offering unparalleled service, they carried him from the bar to save fatigue on his legs.
As one does when properly bingoed, he sought out the hardest man in Croydon to have a roll around with. He met Big Geordie. Big Geordie was a big Geordie who sought to improve his physique and mental health through the use of steroids. He was a man on...
Continues, Read More...
Continues, Read More...
Police: The One Punch Killer
Written by
1477392062
This is another true story from my time on the murder squad. As always, reader discretion advised...
Croydon. A place of broken dreams, a barren heartland to the south. A place to get proper pissed. Our victim had taken a bucket load of drugs, which he’d blended with a lovely selection of seasonal wines, beers and spirits. The lab are still analysing his blood samples some fifteen years later. The initial scientist on the case was driven to madness and became a hermit living in a cave in Birmingham.
Our man had been asked to remove himself forthwith from a licensed establishment by large gentlemen in formal wear after spitting at the chap who tries to spray you with aftershave when you're urinating. Offering unparalleled service, they carried him from the bar to save fatigue on his legs.
As one does when properly bingoed, he sought out the hardest man in Croydon to have a roll around with. He met Big Geordie. Big Geordie was a big Geordie who sought to improve his physique and mental health through the use of steroids. He was a man on...
Continues, Read More...
Continues, Read More...
Police: An Introduction to the Police
Written by
1477289200
This is a quick guide to the different roles within the police.
The police contain two sorts of people - men and women. I have worked with both during my career. Police officers can be readily identified by other police officers. The trick is to look for the ones balancing a silly pointy hat on their head. Others will have a variety of pips and crowns or stripes on their shoulders designating rank. The higher the rank, the higher the level of self-regard. You are promoted by people with even higher levels of self-regard than your own.
In London, the rank structure is slightly different to elsewhere. We have Commanders. Nobody knows what Commanders do, but they all live together at headquarters. Above Commanders are Deputy Assistant Commissioners, Assistant Commissioners and the head honcho, the Commissioner. All these people want to be the Commissioner, so they spy on each other and tell the Commissioner tales to get one up on each other. Commanders and above get their own cars with a driver. When they get promoted, they are given...
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In London, the rank structure is slightly different to elsewhere. We have Commanders. Nobody knows what Commanders do, but they all live together at headquarters. Above Commanders are Deputy Assistant Commissioners, Assistant Commissioners and the head honcho, the Commissioner. All these people want to be the Commissioner, so they spy on each other and tell the Commissioner tales to get one up on each other. Commanders and above get their own cars with a driver. When they get promoted, they are given...
Continues, Read More...
Police: The Darkness of the City
Written by
1477161052
It was the darkness that got to me. The creeping blackness that came with the downing of the light. The sun falling like a punch in the guts. The sewer crawlers sucking at the air, looking at the crescent moon and laughing. I couldn't get the noise out of my head - The sound of her dying.
The sweat dripped like a virgins tears into the shower below. A virgin who sweated alcohol. I would stand in that shower to wash away the grime of the city....
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Police: The Darkness of the City
Written by
1477152744
It was the darkness that got to me. The creeping blackness that came with the downing of the light. The sun falling like a punch in the guts. The sewer crawlers sucking at the air, looking at the crescent moon and laughing. I couldn't get the noise out of my head - The sound of her dying.
The sweat dripped like a virgins tears into the shower below. A virgin who sweated alcohol. I would stand in that shower to wash away the grime of the city....
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Police: Polishing the Truncheon - The Secretive World of Police Training
Written by
1477033639
I trained to become a police officer. We were taken to a secret location and made to wear big pointy hats and flares. We were each given an en-suite room. In the old sense. Nowadays it would be described as a sink. Most of my class were on the same floor, so we would shower together and iron each others trousers. We also leaned to ball our boots, an expression which still makes me chuckle in a schoolboy fashion.
Study notes were known as ‘white notes’ due to the revolutionary use of white paper to print them on. They made liberal use of pen sketches to aid learning, and came across as something better suited to a junior school which includes profanity in the curriculum. One of my favourite characters was called Sprake. He was used to illustrate offences under the Public Order Act. At the start of the week he was using mild profanities in the hearing of a police constable. Later in the week, he was shirt off and tooled up. We were all restless in anticipation of his next move. By...
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Continues, Read More...