I am the one who answers your call
I am the one who sends help when you fall
I am the one at the end of the line
Do you know who I am? I am 999

I am the one to give help and advice
I am the one being calm and concise
I am the one that will hear the worst things
Dreading what’s next when the red phone rings

I am the one teaching you CPR
When your loved one collapses or is hit by a car
I am the one who remembers your screams
Those screams come to visit me during my dreams

I am the one receiving abuse
I am the one talking you down from a noose
I am the one at the end of the line
Do you know who I am? I am 999

‘Twas the night before January
When all through Control
The excitement was building
Almost like a drum roll

Dispatchers dispatching
Calls for help being made
And upon the big table
A large buffet was laid!

As we drew closer to midnight
It got really bizarre
All resources were clearing
At the scene or ER

999 calls stopped ringing
The standby points full
All the additional staff
Must have found it quite dull!

But they couldn’t complain
Being paid time & a half
To sit around chatting
And having a laugh

They knew deep inside
When midnight would chime
Double time would kick in
As we sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’

The clock it ticked closer
And everyone knew
That now was the time
For a wee or a poo!

“Quick make the tea
Grab some food from the spread
As next time we stand
It’ll be time for our bed!”

With one minute to go
No calls were ongoing
Lots of senior managers
Were toing and froing!

Everyone was waiting
For that moment to come
As we counted together
Five four three two...

Continues, Read More...

If only people knew
How much things have changed
How demand surpasses resource
It will never be the same again

If only people knew
The type of calls we take
People who really need us
And calls that are a mistake

If only people knew
That to call 999
Is a life or death scenario
Not due to too much wine

If only people knew
How many times we hear
‘My mate is ill & vomiting
They’ve drunk shit loads of beer’

If only people knew
That cuts and grazes aren’t for us
Make you own way to hospital
Take a taxi or the bus

If only people knew
How precious Ambulances are
Mobile intensive care units
Not replacements for your car

If only people knew
That the NHS cannot cope
With this growing demand & pressure
Someone throw us a rope

If only people knew
That our road staff are shattered
Job to job late breaks late finishes
Leaves them in tatters

If only people knew
How it feels to sit and see
Calls stack up on control room screens
That’s not the life for me

If only people knew
What it’s like to make the call
To divert a crew from a chest pains
To a life...

Continues, Read More...

‘Twas the night before January
When all through Control
The excitement was building
Almost like a drum roll

Dispatchers dispatching
Calls for help being made
And upon the big table
A large buffet was laid!

As we drew closer to midnight
It got really bizarre
All resources were clearing
At the scene or ER

999 calls stopped ringing
The standby points full
All the additional staff
Must have found it quite dull!

But they couldn’t complain
Being paid time & a half
To sit around chatting
And having a laugh

They knew deep inside
When midnight would chime
Double time would kick in
As we sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’

The clock it ticked closer
And everyone knew
That now was the time
For a wee or a poo!

“Quick make the tea
Grab some food from the spread
As next time we stand
It’ll be time for our bed!”

With one minute to go
No calls were ongoing
Lots of senior managers
Were toing and froing!

Everyone was waiting
For that moment to come
As we counted together
Five...

Continues, Read More...

ICE tax disc

Above is a link to a document containing an idea for a Tax Disc replacement since your Tax Disc Holders became redundant today due to a change in UK law.

Please feel free to use and share amongst all your friends!

Thanks to @TonyMoule47 for the suggestion!

A close friend of mine
Had to call 999
One evening late last week,
His brother at night
Got caught up in a fight
His outcome looked quite bleak

“We’re outside that bar
Called ‘The Moon & Star’”
He told the call taker on the phone
Panicking now
Wiping sweat from his brow
He felt suddenly very alone

“Sir listen to me
And together you’ll see
We’ll help make all this ok
Were there weapons involved..?”
And as the story evolved..
Police & ambulance on the way

“Good evening control
It’s your roaming patrol
En route to the fight in the street
Are our colleagues in green
Holding back from the scene?
If so let us know where to meet”

“Hello it’s your crew
Ambulance 292
We’re heading towards the fight”
With help on its way
The call handler stayed
On the phone giving first aid advice’

Whilst emergency crews
Using full blues & twos
Are racing towards the address
On the computer in bold
It says ‘now he’s out cold
And the caller is getting distressed’

Once at the scene
Staff in blue and in green
All working together as one
To save this man’s life
And to update his wife
And find out where the suspect has...

Continues, Read More...

Every now and then, in amongst all the abuse and jobs the ambulance service really shouldn’t have anything to do with, you have a call which brings you right back to the day you joined and reminds you why you’re still here. A call which makes you genuinely feel like you’ve helped to save someone’s life, and there is no better feeling in the world!

After many many years in this job and having been on a bit of a downer recently (hence the lack of tweets), I was on duty for one of these calls last week. It feels that ever since, the passion I once had in abundance for my job has returned with a vengeance!

To give you an idea what happened, here are the (slightly amended) opening and closing lines of the 999 call -

OPENING
(female screaming) “help me, f**king help me!!! My child has stopped breathing”

CLOSING
(female calm but tearful) “they’re here they’re here! Oh my god thank you SO much”

LUCKILY (and I hugely emphasise that point) there was an available ambulance less...

Continues, Read More...

The topic set by @Emily_News (my 3000th follower) was :

If you were Minister for Ambo, with complete unquestionable power / a magic wand, how would you change things? Would you have people go round and kick the shins of people who should have more sense/get a taxi? Would you scrap response times? Attach shock collars to Paramedics who drive too slow?

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Amber Lance and I am the new Health Minister responsible for all UK NHS Ambulance Trusts. Here are the 10 main changes I propose to the current Ambulance Service:

1. Fines for deliberate misuse / hoax callers (not including ‘regular callers’ who have a genuine need for help, although not necessarily from the Ambulance Service)

2. An increase to the amount of double manned Ambulances and reduction of solo response vehicles

3. Specialist unmarked vehicles on duty with appropriately trained staff from partner agencies  to deal with mental health incidents discreetly and efficiently

4. A separate tier of lower clinical grade...
   
   Continues, Read More...

Oh look at the time
There’s too much on my mind
And my body clock’s all out of sync
So what shall I do
At a quarter to two?
I know I’ll go get a drink!

I come back to bed
With my head full of dread
At the countdown to my first alarm
I was so very tired
And now I feel wired
Long term can this do any harm?

For several years now
I’ve been wondering how
My body copes with irregular sleep
Working mixed days and nights
Causes more & more fights
With my brain trying to count those damn sheep!

Here I lie wide awake
Sometimes thinking of cake
Then suddenly I have an idea
Let’s check in online
To see what I find
In the world of social media

Not a lot to report
At a quarter past four
Just shift workers & people like me
Who are lay in their beds
And going round in their heads
Is ‘do I need to get up for a wee?’ (Sorry again!)

My alarm is now near
And I’m getting the fear
Of the twelve hour shift that’s ahead
But with coffee and tea
And my colleagues with me
I’ll soon be back in my bed

Now it’s time for a shower
To give me the power
To push through to the...

Continues, Read More...

‘Twas the night before January
When all through Control
The excitement was building
Almost like a drum roll

Dispatchers dispatching
Calls for help being made
And upon the big table
A large buffet was laid!

As we drew closer to midnight
It got really bizarre
All resources were clearing
At the scene or ER

999 calls stopped ringing
The standby points full
All the additional staff
Must have found it quite dull!

But they couldn’t complain
Being paid time & a half
To sit around chatting
And having a laugh

They knew deep inside
When midnight would chime
Double time would kick in
As we sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’

The clock it ticked closer
And everyone knew
That now was the time
For a wee or a poo!        (sorry!)

“Quick make the tea
Grab some food from the spread
As next time we stand
It’ll be time for our bed!”

With one minute to go
No calls were ongoing
Lots of senior managers
Were toing and froing!

Everyone was waiting
For that moment to come
Ten nine eight seven six
Five four three two and one….

As midnight arrived
And a New...

Continues, Read More...