Just a note to let you know that I’m writing this on my meal-break, having just been to a gentleman whose evening went like this:
Fall asleep on couch.
Roll sideways in sleep onto table full of glasses.
Holy fucking shit, look at all the glass.
What is this in my neck?
It’s a hole.
Was I shaving?
I rolled onto a table full of glasses.
What is this coming from my neck?
Did I roll into a bowl of blood?
I’ll just go and have a shower.
My wife and kids are screaming at me.
I’ll lock the door so they can’t disturb my shower.
Maybe a nap.
In the shower.
While I bleed.
I’m naked in the shower and there’s a man shouting at me.
This is just like that time in Bruges…
How did this man get in my bathroom?
Why is the bathroom door off its hinges?
Why is my….
This nice man seems nice.
He stopped my wife from beating the shit out of me.
He wants me to go to hospital.
The nice man is a cunt.
I shall try to hit him.
Sorry, nice man.
No…he’s not leaving.
He’s saying something about the police.
Maybe if I just say “Merry Christmas!” again.
No…No…I don’t want to go to hospital.
Having holes in your neck is fine.
In fact…it’s part of my religion.
This is how we celebrate Christmas in my house.
You’re not respecting my religious beliefs.
He’s gone away!
He’s talking to his radio instead.
While he’s not looking I’ll pull all these bandages off my neck.
And off my face.
Now my house is full of cops.
And more ambulance people.
Hello Mr Police Officer.
From my nose.
Did you punch me?
The police officer has gone a bit pale and worried.
The ambulance man assures him that he will vouch for the fact that my nose was bleeding before the officer arrived.
Now then, thankyou for coming.
You can all fuck off now.
I’m going to go to bed and bleed.
Hospital you say, Mr Officer?
I don’t think so.
Cells, you say, Mr Officer?
Well…you know…I was thinking…maybe a trip to wish the doctors and nurses at the hospital a Merry Christmas might be in order?
To all of you out there, whether you’re working or otherwise, a Merry Christmas and Guid New Year from TQ. Mad love, K xx