Apparently, you need a new car. A bigger house. A new TV. A sofa. A big kitchen, with shiny metal appliances. A wifi enabled music streaming device that brings you all the music the world has ever produced direct to your ears. You need to eat out, you need to eat in. You need to visit friends. You need to stay at home. You need to have an ethically sourced table made from trees that wanted to be in your house that you never, ever, put your feet on. You need to stop smoking, you need to exercise, you need to go away on holiday to sun drenched beaches that enrich your life with wonder and awe. You need to visit the country and relax in the gentle surroundings of a calm way of life that reminds us of what life once was. You need to have a job earning Â£50k a year, you need to be busy, you need to be successful.
What a load of bollocks.
I don’t want to preach. Â I don’t want to tell you what to do. Â I just want to tell you something that I have figured out. Â
I have figured out that one person’s definition of success is not the same as someone else’s. What works for you doesn’t work for me. Â What works for me may not work for you.Â
You see, I have figured out that my definition of success isn’t all those things in listed up there. Â They don’t matter to me. Â And it is me searching for those things and feeling pressured into wanting those things and feeling that I should want those things that has made me sad. Â
So I don’t want them. They are not the things that make me happy. Â They are the lines being fed to me by the people who tell me that I should want them, but they aren’t really interested in me. Â They tell me I want them because it is in their own interest to want them.Â
I want to be happy – hell, it’s the depressives mantra – but even that was wrong. Â I don’t want to be happy. Â In searching for happiness I am doing the same thing as I am searching for the big car and the stainless steel german washing machine…fighting, struggling, being told. Â YOU WILL BE HAPPY. But that’s wrong. By looking for happiness you don’t see what you have and that happiness is not searching, but realising.Â
And the sooner I stop wanting happiness, the faster it will happen. Because by not being happy, I am saying this is what i want and I haven’t got it, so I am sad because I haven’t got it.Â
So by logic, it comes down to one thing. Don’t want happiness, Alex. Don’t search for it. Â Look out of the window at that fantastic view. Â Look at what you have and what you do and how you do it and realise that, actually, if you just accept…then it will all be easier.
This may sound like bollocks and may sound like a load of tree hugging-hippy crap, but sod it. I need to write this down. I need to get this sorted in my mind. I need to define it for myself and propose it to myself and agree on it.
And that is what I have done. i am successful by NOT having a fancy car, or a posh house with integrated washing machines and an internet connected fridge that orders my cheese. Â I am not going to be happy by searching for happiness. Â I am going to be happy by realising that I have all I want. And make my way accordingly.