Alex- here on the ‘One Show’ we like to do cutting edge stuff…we have with us Janet Face-bucket, the leader of the human rights group, ‘We hate the fcuking gavvers’ to talk about the enquiry into Police Stop and Search powers. Welcome to the One Show Janet. Can I ask you first why are you so against Stop and search powers?”
Janet- Well…firstly, let me say that I think the police do a fantastic job under the most difficult conditions. That said, I hate them because they stop me doing what I like to do.
Janet- carry knives, guns, stolen property and drugs around without being arrested.
Alex-err… isn’t that against the law? You know, to carry that stuff? Around with you…
Janet-(looks horrified) don’t you oppress me! It’s part of my culture!
Matt- err… but aren’t you against violence?
Janet- Yes of course…We are against all types of violence on the street. But we want to be able to clean it up ourselves.
Alex-oh right…so how will you do that?
Janet- I don’t know…ask nicely I think…I mean, right, come on. How many times have the cops ever stopped you and searched you?
Alex- I got stopped for speeding once…but other than that, none.
Matt- I got stopped once. I was drunk at 3am with a traffic cone on my head though…
Janet- some of our group have been stopped 20-times in a week! That’s harassment!
Alex- how many of them have criminal records for drug taking, dealing, robbery etc?
Janet-what’s that got to do with it?
Alex- well…don’t you want to stop drugs, violence and thefts?
Alex-well, isn’t that a good way to help do that? To keep criminals in the back foot? The knowledge they can be arrested if they get stopped by the police?
Janet- fuck you! You’re as bad as them! (storms off)
Alex- OK… now, we have a report on baby milk…does it give you cancer?