The Disciplinary Matter. A
sergeant or PC comes to see you because they are not performing
satisfactorily. Ask them what the hell
they are playing at. They will tell you
some sob story about problems at home.
Key phrase to show you understand what the scenario is about: “You are a
waste of space. Get back out there, get
a grip and get on with some work before I resort to violence”.
The Colleague Asking Advice. This
is probably a trap set by Professional Standards so tell them you are too busy
to talk. If you’re really confident,
pretend to be somebody else. Key phrase:
“Sergeant Candidate? He retired last
The Politician. A local MP or
Councillor will want to enlist your support for some vote-catching initiative. Tell them you’ve got better things to do with
your staff. Key phrase: “While you’re here, I’d like to ask you about
certain donations to your campaign at the last election”.
The Do-Gooder. Some community
worthy will be demanding to know why you haven’t solved trivial issues in their
neighbourhood. Threaten to arrest them
for Wasting Police Time. Key phrase: ”I’ll
just get one of my officers to check your car tax and tyres”.
The Victim of Crime. Somebody
else that the local toerags have picked on.
However, incisive questioning will usually reveal that it was their own
fault. Tell them you’ll get a PC to look
into it. Suggest they set up a Neighbourhood Watch Scheme. Key phrase: “If you find out who’s done it,
call Crimestoppers. You might get a
The Senior Officer. A
Superintendent will want to engage your enthusiasm in some hare-brained scheme
they have just dreamt up. Just agree
with whatever they tell you; they won’t check up on it and will soon find
something else to occupy their time. Key
phrase: “Good luck with the promotion
board Sir / Ma’am”.
The End-of-Tenure PC. This
officer has been kicked back out on the streets after years in some cushy
number. They won’t be happy and it is up
to you to instil some backbone into the slacker. Key phrase: “Don’t think that there’s bucket
loads of overtime like in your last job.
You’re back on the front line mate.
Get used to it”.
As you can tell, Ospre
scenarios reflect reality and the best way to deal with them is to tell it like
it is, get them out of your office and use the spare time for a brew. Good luck!